Snowpiercer: Ode to McEnroe, “You Can Not Be Serious!”

Much like that chair ump with an obvious stygmatism from the late 70’s are Rotten Tomatoes reviewers(94%) and David Denby of The New Yorker. You can not be serious! Snowpiercer was horrid story telling, due to either the original book being flawed or the screenplay and editing askew, and I’m not about to try to find out. I’m just relieved I escaped with a few laughs from Tilda Swinton’s magical near cameo-esque performance and the ascetic beauty of Chris Evans’ face while I stifled a laugh at his ridiculous dialogue (paraphrasing here, but something to the effect of “I started hating myself for liking the taste of babies.”) Holy Jonathan Swift! See? I cannot even finish a compliment without being stymied by a stupid moment in this film.

Chris Evans

This plot had more holes than my fishnet stockings. Like how were the Korean father daughter team huffing the noxious drug yet still able to snap to whenever ‘danger’ came their way?

In addition, the gratuitous violence was more than one needs in a life time. I have to hand it to Bong-Joon-ho though, even he must have grown weary of your basic man on man violence. In subsequent scenes he added twists like power outage train tunnel fighting lit with an infrared type lighting and slow motion sequences where the sounds of hitting and grunting finally came to an end, proving that even the protagonist was numbed by the sheer banality.

I’ll finish on a positive, the movie’s super antagonist, played by Ed Harris has a great line near the film’s end to Chris Evans, “You’re so tense. When’s the last time you got laid?” Now THAT would have been a much better film!