Concert Review: Making America Abbreviated Again

America played at Van Wezel Hall in Sarasota last night and if America, the country, was analogous to the band’s performance, we’d be short about 10 states. I think it’s a cop out and money grab to play 90 minutes (exactly) when as a band they’ve complied 40+ years of music. At the very least, they should have allowed their two youngest members to each showcase one of their own songs. It’s called paying it forward Dudes. Not to mention, some of us in the audience are part of the shrinking middle class, meaning we don’t have throw away money to spend willy nilly on concert tickets. My friend Dave who graciously took me for a Christmas gift is a hard core fan, and for him alone, I wish the band had extended their play to two hours. I mean really, the set up of all the instruments probably took more time than the actual performance.

Sure I got to hear my three favorite songs; Sister Golden Hair, Tin Man, and Ventura Highway. And thanks to the bass player (who also created the video) was treated to stimulating images of California, celebrities and a metamorphosis of old band photos.

Unfortunately aural and visual stimulation weren’t enough for Twitchy Millennial gal seated to my immediate right(who literally was giving herself a facial and simultaneously checking her phone on average of every 5 minutes) and her bored to death father who also had his nose in his phone during the show. Other stuffed white shirt Caucasians in front me included a husband, their backpack in a separate seat between (who didn’t clap once-that’s a joke) and then S&M wife. S&M is an assumption on my part because she had an accountant look on her top half (severe haircut, conservative sweater) and her bottom half (mini-skirt, patterned panty hose with knee high black boots). She continued to give her husband dirty looks during the first half hour of the show as he couldn’t take his eyes off the woman right next to him, a young Ann Margaret type who was grooving to the music and enjoying herself (as I was) and whose companion looked like a hoody wearing Burgess Meredith from Grumpy Old Men outtakes (you remember, “what day say we go back to my place and I’ll show you my beefy bologna?”). Anyway S&M ended up reaching across the backpack with a slap to hubby’s shoulder which was his indication to move backpack next to Ann Margaret and fall back in cuckolded line. This my friends, is the curse and comedic blessing of being hyper-aware of one’s surroundings.

Another half hour of shenanigans would have helped me round out this essay to novella length. For shame abbreviated America:)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Unable to load the Are You a Human PlayThru™. Please contact the site owner to report the problem.